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Breadcrumbing: Meaning, examples, and impact
Reviewed by Stephanie Steinman, PhD, CSAC
Written by
therapist.com teamLast updated: 08/13/2024
What is breadcrumbing?
“Breadcrumbing” is a behavior most commonly seen in dating and other intimate relationships. It involves giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested, even when you have no intention of committing to them.
The term was inspired by the breadcrumb trail in the fairy tale “Hansel and Gretel,” in which the children leave breadcrumbs behind to find their way back home. Though breadcrumbing can happen in face-to-face interactions, it’s become more prevalent with the rise of texting, social media, and online dating, where communication is convenient and commitment can be easily avoided.
Breadcrumbing is a fairly new term used mostly in popular culture. It is not a diagnosable condition, and psychological research into the practice is just beginning.
Breadcrumbing vs. ghosting
Breadcrumbing and ghosting are both noncommittal behaviors in relationships, but they differ slightly. Ghosting involves abruptly stopping all communication without any explanation. It’s often used as a means of ending a relationship, and usually leaves the other person without closure or understanding of what went wrong.
Breadcrumbing, on the other hand, involves sporadically engaging with someone—be it through texts, likes, or comments on social media—without any real intention of progressing the relationship. This keeps the recipient hopeful and emotionally invested.
Ghosting delivers a sudden emotional shock, but breadcrumbing prolongs uncertainty and creates self-doubt.
Breadcrumbing vs. benching
“Benching” is a term used to describe when someone keeps another person “on hold” to potentially date in the future. The bencher doesn’t actively pursue a relationship, but keeps the benched person around as a backup option.
A person might use breadcrumbing as a way to bench someone. By sending sporadic messages or showing intermittent interest, they keep the person engaged and hopeful without fully committing. This keeps the benched person on standby while the bencher explores other options.
What does it mean to breadcrumb someone?
Breadcrumbing red flags can appear through both subtle and obvious behaviors. Common breadcrumbing examples include:
- Sending a flirtatious text or message once in a while but never making plans to meet.
- Liking and commenting on social media posts intermittently without engaging in meaningful conversation.
- Showing enthusiasm and interest during conversations but never initiating more.
- Responding to messages just enough to keep the conversation alive but not enough to build a genuine connection.
- Giving false hopes about future plans that never materialize.
- Reaching out only late at night, maybe with ambiguous or suggestive messages, but never following up during the day.
- Disappearing for extended periods without explanation and then suddenly reappearing with a casual message as if nothing happened.
- Giving just enough compliments or praise to build interest but never making any real effort to spend time with you or build a healthy relationship.
- Engaging in small talk or superficial conversations without ever delving into deeper, more meaningful topics.
- Providing very brief or one-word responses that keep the conversation going but show a lack of genuine interest or effort.
- Always being vague about availability, making it difficult to pin down a specific time to meet or talk.
- Constantly coming up with excuses for why they can’t meet up or take the relationship to the next level, potentially citing being “too busy.”
- Sending mixed signals by being affectionate one moment and distant the next, keeping you confused about their true intentions.
- Mentioning other people they’re interested in or dating, making you feel like you’re just one of many options.
- Making occasional grand gestures or promises that seem significant but are not followed through with consistent effort or commitment.
Some people truly struggle with communication. And it’s common that life commitments can prevent people from giving relationships the time or attention they would like to. But if a person repeatedly waffles between interest and apathy, it could be a sign of breadcrumbing.
Consider connecting with a mental health professional if someone’s inconsistent treatment of you is impacting your mental health.
Why do people breadcrumb?
People who use breadcrumbing as a dating tactic could have various motivations, ranging from seeking attention and validation to avoiding loneliness or the discomfort of direct rejection. Some may enjoy the power and control they feel when keeping someone “on the hook” without giving any real commitment. Others might not even realize the emotional toll their behavior is taking on the other person.
Though research on breadcrumbing is limited, some studies have linked it to insecure attachment styles (both anxious and avoidant),1 suggesting that fear of intimacy or rejection might drive such behaviors.
Narcissism and breadcrumbing
Some people think that breadcrumbing someone is a sign of narcissism, but this hasn’t been definitively proven.2 Researchers have, however, looked into whether certain personality traits, known as the “Dark Triad,” could predict breadcrumbing behaviors in young adults. They discovered that people who admitted to breadcrumbing others had much higher levels of vulnerable narcissism and Machiavellian views.3
The effects of breadcrumbing on mental health
Breadcrumbing involves a lot of mixed signals and uncertainty, which could lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. The emotional ups and downs from getting uneven attention could also cause stress, potentially increasing the risk of anxiety or depression.
Research shows that people who’ve experienced breadcrumbing tend to be less satisfied with their lives and feel more lonely and helpless—even more so than those who experienced ghosting.4 If breadcrumbing continues long term, it can erode trust in future relationships, making it difficult to feel secure or confident when meeting new people.
How to handle breadcrumbing
Responding to breadcrumbing can be challenging, but here are some effective strategies to help you manage the situation:
Address the situation in a calm and direct manner. Let the breadcrumber know how their actions are affecting you and ask for clarity about their intentions.
Establish clear boundaries about what behavior you find acceptable. Communicate your expectations and let the person know that you won’t tolerate being strung along.
Focus on yourself by investing time in activities and relationships that make you feel valued and happy. Engage in hobbies, spend time with friends and family, and prioritize self-care.
Move on if the person continues to breadcrumb you. Focus on finding relationships that are mutually respectful and fulfilling.
Get help from a professional if you find it difficult to break free from the cycle of breadcrumbing. A therapist or counselor can help you process your emotions, build self-esteem, and develop strategies for healthier relationship patterns.
Visit our directory to connect with a licensed therapist in your area.
Breadcrumbing resource
Information from this article is also available in the form of a downloadable “Breadcrumbing: What it is and how to handle it” infographic.
Sources
About the author
The editorial team at therapist.com works with the world’s leading clinical experts to bring you accessible, insightful information about mental health topics and trends.
