Long-distance relationships and mental health

Reviewed by Stephanie Steinman, PhD, CSAC

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 11/12/2024

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Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are more common than you may think, especially among younger generations. In a study involving over 2,000 college students, more than one-third of them were in LDRs.¹

While it’s unclear if the prevalence of LDRs is at an all-time high or not, several factors may contribute to people choosing to be in them, including:

• How easy it is to communicate with today’s technology
• The need to relocate for education or job opportunities
• Changing social norms and attitudes towards relationships

What’s considered a long-distance relationship?

There’s no universally agreed-upon definition for a long-distance relationship. Generally, it’s considered to be any relationship where couples live far enough apart that they can’t see each other regularly in person due to distance. This could mean living in different cities, states, or even countries. Some couples choose to be in long-distance relationships for short periods of time due to work or family commitments. Other couples know that the distance may be indefinite.

Some researchers define a “long-distance trip” as any distance more than 100 miles apart.² But the exact physical distance may be a less important measure than how long a couple has to go without seeing each other. For example, a couple could live in neighboring cities but only be able to meet once a month. They might consider themselves a long-distance couple because traffic and travel time makes seeing each other difficult.

If you and your partner feel that distance is a significant factor in your relationship, you could consider yourselves to be in an LDR.

Challenges with long-distance relationships

LDRs come with all sorts of unique challenges for couples. Common issues include:

Communication barriers: LDR couples might struggle to talk regularly and connect meaningfully. Because they can’t see body language or facial expressions while texting or talking on the phone, they may misunderstand each other. They may also have trouble finding time to chat if they live in different time zones. When couples rely on technology to communicate, and don’t balance it with face-to-face time, they sometimes feel less close and satisfied in their relationships.³

Emotional strain: Couples may face emotional challenges like loneliness, distrust, jealousy, and uncertainty. Each partner’s feelings and behaviors influence the other’s, affecting the quality of the relationship.⁴

Limited physical intimacy: The lack of physical affection and sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of frustration and disconnection. In many relationships, intimacy tends to dwindle after the “honeymoon phase” fades, or if partners work long hours and have limited free time.⁵ In LDRs, the added burden of rarely seeing each other in person may make these patterns worse.

Financial burden: The costs of maintaining a long-distance relationship are on average higher than short-distance relationships.⁶ This is due to higher travel costs as well as the costs associated with keeping two separate residences.

Less bonding time: Balancing the relationship with other commitments, like work or school, can be more challenging when partners are in different locations. Research shows couples who spend more time together report higher satisfaction and more positive feelings about their relationship.⁷ Couples in LDRs who struggle to spend enough quality time together may end up feeling disconnected and dissatisfied.

Uncertainty about the future: LDR couples may struggle with planning for the long term, especially if there’s no clear timeline for closing the distance gap. Long-distance couples are more likely to break up and less likely to move in together than those in close-proximity relationships.⁸

If you’re dealing with challenges in a long-distance relationship, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a relationship counselor who has experience with LDRs. They can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.

How do long-distance relationships affect mental health?

Long-distance relationships can have varying effects on mental health. While challenging, some may find that distance actually enhances their relationship and personal growth.

The time apart can provide opportunities for self-reflection and pursuing individual interests. Successful LDR couples often develop strong communication skills and a deep appreciation for their time together.

One study discovered that they tend to share more personal information and be more responsive to each other compared to geographically close couples. ⁹ This likely helps maintain relationship satisfaction. Unfortunately, the same study also revealed that people in long-distance relationships may overestimate their partner’s openness and responsiveness.

If one or both partners fail to adapt to the challenges of being in a long-distance relationship, it can impact mental health. Higher stress levels of people in LDRs are associated with poorer health markers, including anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances, and fatigue.¹⁰ These health issues can be made worse by the emotional strain of separation and the constant effort of maintaining connection digitally.

How your mental health affects your LDR

Mental health conditions, subclinical symptoms, and certain personality traits can make the already tough job of maintaining a long-distance relationship even harder.

People with certain insecure attachment styles, for instance, may struggle with LDRs.¹¹ Anxiety in particular is associated with increased conflict in relationships. ¹² When distance is a factor, the lack of in-person interaction can potentially add fuel to the fire because of how difficult it can be to maintain healthy communication. Research suggests that when partners experience higher levels of distress in a long-distance relationship, open communication is crucial for restoring relationship satisfaction.¹³

In general, romantic partners sometimes find it difficult to understand each other’s mental health issues.¹⁴ In LDRs, partners can’t observe each other’s daily behaviors, which may make the issue worse. A partner could misread symptoms or oversimplify their partner’s emotional challenges.

Certain personality traits can make it easier or harder for a person to maintain a long-distance relationship.¹⁵ Those who enjoy adventure, adapt well to change, and are comfortable with technology-based communication tend to fare better. On the other hand, those who prefer routine, predictability, and in-person interactions may find it more difficult.

How to make a long-distance relationship work

Learning how to cope emotionally with a long-distance relationship can be hard. While they may not be for everyone, they’re not impossible to maintain. LDRs require dedication and trust from both partners for it to work. Here are a few key strategies for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship:

Set clear expectations: Discuss your relationship goals, communication needs, and boundaries. Be honest about what you need to feel secure and connected. In addition, be willing to accept that it’s normal for some days to be harder than others.

Establish regular communication: Create a routine for staying in touch, whether through daily check-ins, weekly video calls, or regular text messages. Frequent and responsive texting is linked to higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships.¹⁶

Plan visits and shared experiences: Schedule regular in-person meetings when possible. During time apart, create shared experiences through virtual date nights, watching movies together, or playing online games. Having a plan in place is key to preventing long-distance relationship anxiety.

Celebrate milestones: Mark important dates and achievements together, even from afar. This might include sending small gifts, planning virtual celebrations, or creating digital photo albums to commemorate special moments.

Practice relational savoring: Reminisce about positive shared experiences, anticipate future moments together, and fully engage in present interactions with your partner. Mentally focusing on feelings of closeness with your partner has been shown to help boost positive emotions and relationship satisfaction in LDRs.¹⁷ This technique may be especially helpful when you’re learning how to cope with missing your long-distance partner.

Seek support when needed: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional if you’re struggling. Visit our directory to find qualified therapists who specialize in helping couples.