Resentment: Meaning, signs, impact, and how to let it go

Reviewed by Brooks Baer, LCPC, CMHP

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 07/17/2025

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Have you ever felt a lingering sense of anger or bitterness toward someone who hurt you? Does that feeling keep coming back whenever you think about what happened? That’s resentment, and it affects more than just your mood—it can impact your entire well-being.

What is resentment?

Resentment is a complex emotion that happens when you feel that you’ve been treated unfairly and are unable to do anything about it.¹

When you resent someone, you’re reliving an offense that injured you in the past.² The word comes from the roots “re” (again) and “sentir” (to feel). It describes the act of feeling something painful again and again.

Resentment vs. other emotions

While resentment shares qualities with other negative emotions, it stands apart in important ways. It’s distinct from depression, hopelessness, or anger, though they may well occur alongside it.³

Depression includes a general sense of hopelessness or sadness, while resentment specifically centers on perceived injustice. Unlike anger which flares up and subsides, resentment can build up inside you and eventually turn into hatred or even a desire to get back at someone.⁴ It’s like carrying around a backpack filled with past hurts that gets heavier the longer you carry it.

It also contains elements of helplessness that distinguish it from pure anger. It often stems from situations where you feel wronged but unable to repair the situation.

Interestingly, resentment and gratitude are opposites of each other. Analysis suggests that the more grateful someone is, the less resentful they tend to be.⁵ This helps explain why resentful people might struggle to experience the benefits of gratitude.

Signs of resentment

How do you know if you’re harboring resentment? The signs appear in your emotions, behaviors, and even physical health.

Emotional signs

Emotionally, resentment shows up as sadness, anger, deception, and feelings of inferiority.⁶ You might experience emotions like:

• A persistent sense of being wronged
• Feelings of bitterness when thinking about certain people
• A sense that life or others have treated you unfairly
• Anger that doesn’t seem to fade with time

Behavioral signs

Resentment changes how you act. Common behaviors include rumination (constantly thinking about the offense), withdrawal, isolation, and avoidance.⁷ You might notice yourself:

• Replaying past hurts over and over in your mind
• Pulling away from relationships
• Having trouble moving forward from past events

Psychologists note that resentful people hold on to grievances “like a bargaining chip” that only grows their need for revenge.⁸ This can create a cycle that’s hard to break.

If you’re struggling with feelings of resentment that are affecting your mental health and daily life, you may want to speak with a therapist. They can help you identify the root causes of your emotions and guide you toward healthier ways to cope and move forward.

Physical signs

Your body feels resentment too. Physical presentations include cardiac activation (like a racing heart), increased stress, sleep difficulties, and exhaustion.⁹

Long-term resentment may contribute to serious health problems including gastrointestinal issues, cardiovascular problems, and chronic pain.¹⁰ Research suggests that chronic stress related to not forgiving others can accelerate aging and impact your immune system.

The impact of resentment on physical health is also often reflected in everyday language. People commonly describe feeling it “in the pit of our stomach,” or that someone left them feeling “broken-hearted.”

Common causes and triggers of resentment

What makes people resent someone? Many situations can trigger these feelings.

Workplace experiences can spark resentment and lead to bitterness.¹¹ In romantic relationships, irritation and disappointment can lead to feelings of resentment.¹²

Experiencing injustice that can’t be adequately addressed is another major trigger.¹³ When you can’t right a wrong, the feelings of helplessness can transform into resentment.

Major life events can also leave lasting resentment. Negative experiences such as unemployment, divorce, death of relatives, or workplace conflicts often create deep wounds.¹⁴ Early life injuries, including childhood abuse, are particularly powerful sources of resentment that can affect people throughout their lives.¹⁵

On a broader scale, social factors contribute to resentment too. Cultural alienation combined with public contempt creates fertile ground for resentful feelings. This happens in societies where inequality exists—where equal rights compete with unequal opportunities. When people feel powerless because societal promises benefit only a few, resentment grows.

At its core, resentment often springs from frustrated hopes, misguided self-assessments, and failed aspirations. When life doesn’t turn out as expected, the gap between reality and expectations can breed lasting resentment.

The impact of resentment

The effects of resentment reach far beyond momentary discomfort.

Effects on relationships

Resentment creates distance in relationships and leads to isolation. As one research participant expressed, its weight “makes me slower, heavier, further removed from myself and others.”¹⁶

Ironically, by holding onto resentment, people believe they’re punishing others but actually end up hurting themselves.¹⁷ Many people refuse to give up what they see as “justified resentment,” thinking this somehow holds the other person accountable. Instead, they remain trapped in their own pain.

Effects on overall well-being

Research shows that resentment contributes to anxiety, depression, and embitterment.¹⁸ The emotional burden takes a toll on mental health over time.

Philosophers and psychologists describe resentment as causing a “self-poisoning of the mind.”¹⁹ This vivid description captures how resentment in relationships can become toxic to the person carrying it.

Why we hold onto resentment

Despite its harmful effects, many people find themselves holding onto resentment for reasons they might not fully recognize:²⁰

• It can create an illusion of control when we feel powerless in a situation
• It sometimes provides energy and motivation to take action
• It offers an alternative to difficult conversations we’d rather avoid
• It can be emotional armor against vulnerability
• It allows us to maintain a sense of moral righteousness
• Some unconsciously use it to evoke guilt in others
• It can serve as a shield against deeper, more painful emotions like grief or shame
• In some cases, it can maintain a relationship that might otherwise end
• It enables staying in a victim role, avoiding responsibility for change

It’s clear that resentment can be a logical reaction to certain situations—but it’s not always the healthiest one. Understanding these causes can help you identify when you’re holding onto resentment and examine whether it’s necessary.

How to let go of resentment

If you recognize resentment in yourself, there are ways to address it.

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways to address resentment. Here are some strategies you can use to work toward forgiveness, which creates space for more positive emotions:

1. Start by acknowledging your resentment without shame. Naming what you feel is the first step toward healing.
2. Try focusing on being grateful for past positive aspects of your relationship with the person you resent. This doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior, but rather remembering that relationships are complex and multifaceted.
3. Do more of what boosts your confidence and sense of control. Empowerment helps overcome feelings of inferiority that feed resentment.²¹ When you build your sense of personal power, you’re less vulnerable to feeling like a victim.

Other helpful strategies include maintaining physical distance and letting time pass.²² Focus on other problems, learn new things, notice changes in the source of your frustrations, and make personal efforts to move forward.

Preventing feelings of resentment in others

Sometimes we do or say things that can trigger resentment in others without realizing it. While it isn’t always possible to prevent others from feeling resentful, there are steps we can take to make it less likely.

Creating environments where people feel valued and appreciated can reduce or ward off the development of resentment.²³ This applies to both families and workplaces.

One simple practice is greeting others with gratitude, which can help them feel connected and create a sense of belonging. This small act builds relationships that are more resistant to resentment.

Seeking professional help

For deep-seated resentment that doesn’t resolve over time or with your own efforts, professional help may be necessary. Therapeutic approaches that promote forgiveness show positive results. These include structured approaches like the REACH Forgiveness model and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).²⁴

Visit our therapist directory to connect with a professional who can support you in understanding your experiences and working through emotions related to resentment.