How to be confident: Practical steps for building the skill

Reviewed by Susan Radzilowski, MSW, LMSW, ACSW

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 08/13/2026

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Confidence touches almost every part of our lives. From asking someone on a date to speaking up in a meeting, it shapes what we pursue and what we avoid.

What is confidence?

Confidence, or more specifically self-confidence, is your belief in your ability to handle situations effectively on your own.¹ It’s having a positive view of yourself and trusting that you can tackle challenges that come your way.

Self-confidence vs. self-esteem

Some people mistakenly use these terms interchangeably, but they mean different things. Self-esteem is about how much value you feel you have as a person—your overall sense of self-worth.²

On the other hand, self-confidence refers to your beliefs about your ability to produce results and influence the events in your life.³ Researchers often use the term “self-efficacy” to describe this concept.

Signs of high vs. low self-confidence

Confidence shows up in how people think, feel, and act.⁴ People with high self-confidence typically:

• View tasks with more courage and overcome them more easily
• Tend to feel less stress and anxiety around tasks
• Attribute success to personal effort (rather than outside factors)
• Attribute failures to not putting in enough effort (rather than lack of ability)
• Show better work-related performance and learning achievement
• Adapt well to new technology

People with low self-confidence might:

• Struggle more with failure
• Exhibit lower levels of interest and effort in tasks or activities
• Attribute success to outside forces
• Attribute failure to their own lack of ability or capacity

Keep in mind that confidence isn’t all-or-nothing. You might feel very confident in one area of your life (like your cooking skills or your ability to solve math problems) and much less confident in another (like public speaking or making new friends).

What’s more, your confidence can fluctuate even within the same activity. You might feel great about giving a presentation one day but anxious about it the next. Success tends to boost confidence while failure can temporarily lower it.⁵

But confidence comes not just from the experiences people have, but from how they interpret them. Many highly capable people struggle with perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or self-doubt despite repeated success, while others maintain confidence through setbacks.

How to build confidence

The good news is that just like any skill, confidence can be worked on and built up. Research shows several effective strategies.

Make exercise a regular part of your routine

Regular exercise does more than strengthen your body—it strengthens your confidence too. When researchers studied adolescents, they found that exercise significantly predicted both resilience and self-confidence.⁶ The findings suggested that physical activity enhanced self-efficacy both directly and by building mental resilience.

You don’t need to become an athlete. Setting, working toward, and achieving even moderate physical activity goals can make a difference in how capable you feel.

Combine strategies

Confidence grows best when you address it from multiple angles. One study found that using four strategies together, to address different sources of self-efficacy, worked much better than using any one strategy alone.⁷

The four strategies were:

• Learning to deal with anxiety through a growth mindset
• Watching others succeed and using it as a model
• Practicing mentally before a task
• Getting positive, honest feedback on your efforts

When you find yourself lacking confidence, remember that you have options. You can reframe things mentally, emulate role models, or get advice from experts. Seek out what works for you and don’t limit yourself to one solution.

Seek out feedback

If you don’t feel confident in a certain area, it can feel tempting to avoid it. But when you continue to work on new tasks, and receive constructive feedback on your performance, it can actually boost your confidence.

One small study focused on teaching strategies incorporated “confidence-based assessments,” asking participants to honestly rate how certain they were of their answers. They found that this approach significantly increased both confidence levels and actual performance.⁸

Admitting that you don’t feel confident in an area, and receiving help from someone who is, can be a great way to become self-assured in new or difficult tasks.

Learn stress management strategies

Learning to handle stress can boost confidence significantly. One study found that people who combined different coping strategies report much higher self-efficacy than those who relied on just one approach.⁹

Think of stress management techniques as multiple tools in your toolbox. The more ways you can handle a challenge, the more confident you’ll feel facing it.

Seek out opportunities for play

Cooperative play programs and structured social and emotional learning (SEL) interventions have been shown to improve confidence and self-esteem in children.¹⁰ But you don’t have to be a kid to reap the benefits.

Playful tasks and activities can help build confidence by giving people “mastery experiences,” or chances to succeed at things through their own efforts.¹¹ Opportunities for playful, challenging activities still exist in adulthood.

This may look like joining a recreational sports league, taking an improv class, or joining other group activities that involve cooperation and creativity. Regardless of the exact outlet, engaging in low-pressure, supportive environments can boost your confidence.

Work on identifying and reframing limiting thoughts

Sometimes negative thought patterns can keep us stuck, fueling self-doubt. To move forward and start building confidence in yourself, you might need to examine some of the thoughts that keep you from feeling capable.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques help you challenge unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more helpful ones. One study showed that when combined with social and emotional learning, CBT-based strategies helped to improve children’s self-perception, with a third of them reporting more confidence in interacting with others.¹²

If negative thought patterns feel overwhelming or hard to break, a CBT therapist can teach you techniques for managing them. They can help you identify distorted thinking, develop healthier perspectives, and build lasting confidence.

Common confidence traps to avoid

Certain challenges can make it hard to build or maintain confidence. Here are a few common pitfalls to look out for:

Don’t let failures or negative feedback define you. Social learning theory proposes that what we learn from our experiences shapes our beliefs about ourselves.¹³ When people experience repeated setbacks or receive negative messages about their abilities, their confidence drops. It’s important that you speak positively to yourself and try to surround yourself with people who do as well. Try to view setbacks as temporary and normal parts of life.

Don’t get in the habit of avoiding challenges. Low confidence can create a harmful cycle. When people lack confidence, they often avoid situations where they might fail. But avoidance means missing opportunities to develop skills and have positive experiences. This creates a cycle that maintains low confidence over time.¹⁴

Don’t ignore self-esteem issues. Low self-esteem is associated with low confidence.¹⁵ So even if you’re working on building specific skills and capabilities, underlying feelings of low self-worth can hold you back. Addressing both your overall sense of worth and your belief in your abilities gives you the best chance of building lasting confidence.

It’s important to acknowledge that confidence isn’t shaped only by effort and mindset. Experiences like discrimination, trauma, chronic illness, disability, poverty, or unsupportive environments can have a major impact on how confident people feel. Confidence develops not just within individuals, but within the relationships, communities, and systems they navigate.

If you’re struggling to build confidence, it’s not a personal shortcoming. Have patience with yourself and remember that the realities of life can make confidence difficult to develop and maintain.

When to seek help

Sometimes low confidence signals a deeper issue that needs professional attention. Consider seeking help from a mental health professional if:

• Low confidence significantly interferes with your daily life or relationships
• It causes persistent symptoms of depression, anxiety, or social withdrawal
• Your confidence issues occur alongside high levels of health anxiety, obsessive-compulsive symptoms, or other mental health conditions that make daily life harder

Remember that things don’t need to “get bad” for you to get help; there’s no shame in seeking support. A therapist can provide personalized strategies and help you work through the specific challenges affecting your confidence.

Visit our directory to connect with a therapist online or in your area.