Toxic relationships: What they are and how to move forward

Reviewed by Susan Radzilowski, MSW, LMSW, ACSW

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 06/01/2026

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Relationships are meant to bring joy, support, and connection into our lives. But sometimes, a relationship can leave you feeling drained, anxious, or stuck. If you’re questioning whether your relationship is healthy, there are ways to recognize harmful patterns and take steps toward healing.

What is a toxic relationship?

While it’s a simple question, the answer is complicated. The term “toxic relationship” is a broad, non-clinical label that lacks clear definition. The way it’s used in everyday conversation often blurs important distinctions between normal conflict, incompatibility, and harmful dynamics.

The American Psychological Association defines a toxic relationship as one that contains “a pattern of harmful relational behaviors.”¹ The problem is that by this logic, nearly all relationships could be defined as toxic at one time or another.

The term is still evolving, and what people call “toxic” behavior can range from incompatibility to abuse. It’s important to remember that you can have moments of happiness or connection in a relationship while still experiencing real harm from it.

Don’t dismiss actions or patterns that cause you harm, especially because behaviors often escalate. Behaviors that felt over-protective at the start of a relationship may escalate into control. Comments that used to be made only in heated moments may become routine and harder to recognize as harm.

If you find yourself feeling drained, conflicted, or hurt by patterns in your relationships, speak with a trusted mental health or medical professional about your concerns.

The difference between toxic and abusive relationships

While all abusive relationships are toxic, not all toxic relationships are abusive.²

Abusive relationships involve forms of harm that often cause lasting trauma. This includes physical violence, sexual coercion, and emotional manipulation. Intimate partner violence (IPV) specifically refers to physical, sexual, or mental violence or aggression within an intimate relationship.³

In contrast, the term “toxic relationship” more broadly describes any relationship containing unhealthy patterns that could erode well-being. Sometimes toxicity is the result of incompatibility and affects both people. However, the psychological impact of a toxic relationship can still be serious and shouldn’t be minimized.

Every relationship is unique. If you’re unsure whether your relationship is healthy, speaking with a mental health professional or other medical professional can help make things clear.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available. You can call, text, or chat with the following helplines anytime, 24/7:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Signs of a toxic relationship

What exactly defines a toxic relationship can depend on the person and the context, and research into the topic is limited.

However, one study based in India identified several key themes that commonly appear in toxic relationships.⁴ They include:

• Control: Monitoring your location or limiting your decisions
• Possessiveness: Reluctance to share your time or attention with others
• Disrespect: Dismissing or ignoring your feelings, thoughts, or boundaries
• Ego issues: Prioritizing their wants over yours or over the relationship
• Ineffective communication: Criticizing you or shutting down conversations
• Betrayal: Cheating, lying, or breaking promises

It’s important to note that behaviors can escalate over time. If you recognize these patterns, take them seriously and seek support when needed.

How toxic relationships impact mental health

The effects of a toxic relationship can extend far beyond negative day-to-day interactions. They can impact different areas of your life and continue long after the relationship ends.

One study identified ten negative impacts that toxic romantic relationships can cause:⁵

• Delays in personal and professional goals
• Reluctance to enter future romantic relationships
• Insecurity about self-worth
• Mental distress
• Feelings of loneliness
• Loss of identity or sense of self
• Using substance as a coping mechanism
• Physical health issues
• Social disruption and isolation
• Discomfort and emotional unease

The impact of toxicity is real and valid, even if others can’t see the harm. Remember that you’re allowed to walk away from relationships even if there are good moments mixed in with the difficult ones.

Can a toxic relationship be fixed?

It’s common to wonder how to fix a toxic relationship. Whether you can or not depends on several factors, including whether both people recognize the problems, are willing to change, and can maintain those changes over time.

Research shows that couples therapy can help reduce many of the unhealthy patterns that contribute to toxic behavior in romantic relationship. A meta-analysis found that couples therapy significantly improves communication, relationship satisfaction, and emotional intimacy compared with a control group.⁶

However, it’s important to understand the limitations. Positive changes are hard to maintain under stress.⁷ Some couples may progress at different rates or make little to no progress.⁸ Each partner’s personal traits significantly affect the process.⁹

Ultimately, fixing a toxic relationship requires genuine effort from both people. If only one person is working to change, the relationship may not be salvageable—and that’s okay. Your own happiness, well-being, and safety need to be your priority.

It’s important to note that if someone’s treatment of you borders into abuse, you should not attend couples therapy with them.

Abuse can be hard to recognize from within a relationship. Trust your instincts and seek individual help and support immediately if you feel fearful of, or belittled by, your partner. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available any time, 24/7 at 800-799-SAFE (7233).

Therapy for toxic relationships

If you’re seeking counseling for toxic relationships, several evidence-based approaches can help. Research supports interventions like solution-focused counseling, mindfulness practices, and communication education.¹⁰

Therapy approaches that target the underlying patterns that keep toxic relationships going include:

• Emotion-focused and attachment-based approaches, which help partners recognize and change insecure attachment patterns, stop blame and withdrawal cycles, and build secure bonding^11,12
• Emotion regulation therapy, which helps partners manage emotions better, which increases relationship satisfaction over time¹³

Individual therapy can also teach you coping strategies such as journaling and self-reflection, and help you build a support network of trusted individuals.¹⁴

Importantly, if you believe you might be in an abusive relationship, do not attend couples therapy with your partner. Couples therapy can be dangerous in abusive situations, as it may escalate violence or give the abuser more tools for manipulation. Instead, work individually with a therapist who specializes in abuse and trauma.