Marriage counseling: Techniques and what to expect

Reviewed by Robert Bogenberger, PhD

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 09/17/2024

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What is marriage counseling?

Marriage counseling is a form of therapy designed to help married couples improve their relationship. It involves working with a trained professional who helps couples address conflicts, enhance communication, and strengthen their bond. The ultimate goal is to help couples build a healthier, more satisfying partnership and determine the best path forward for their relationship.

Marriage counseling vs. couples therapy

While often used interchangeably, marriage counseling (or marital therapy) and couples therapy have subtle differences. Marriage counseling is a form of couples counseling geared toward married couples and is oriented towards specific problems. Couples therapy, however, is a broader term that can include unmarried couples, same-sex partnerships, and other intimate relationships.

Additionally, the terms “counseling” and “therapy” have distinct meanings.^1,2 Counseling typically focuses on specific issues, such as communication problems or infidelity.³ Therapy, on the other hand, can be more expansive in scope and may address larger patterns or disorders. Both approaches aim to improve relationship dynamics and foster understanding between partners.

Do you need to be religious to seek marriage counseling?

You and your partner don’t need to be religious to seek marriage counseling. While some couples may prefer faith-based counseling, many other options are available. Professional marriage counselors are trained to work with couples from diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and lifestyles.

Non-religious couples can benefit just as much from counseling as those with religious beliefs. The key is finding a counselor whose approach aligns with your values and needs.

Issues marriage counseling can address

Marriage counseling can address a wide range of issues that couples face, including:

• Communication problems
• Trust issues
• Infidelity
• Financial disagreements
• Intimacy and sexual concerns
• Parenting conflicts
• Work-life balance struggles
• Differences in values or life goals
• Anger management and conflict resolution
• Blended family challenges
• Dealing with major life transitions

Visit our directory to find qualified counselors in your area who offer family and marriage counseling services.

Preparing for marriage

For couples who are engaged or thinking about getting married, premarital counseling can be beneficial. This type of counseling helps couples explore their expectations, values, and goals before tying the knot. It can also address potential areas of conflict and provide tools for effective communication and problem-solving.

Ending a marriage

Counseling can also help people who’ve decided to end their marriage. Separation and divorce counseling can provide support and guidance for couples navigating the end of their marriage. This type of counseling helps partners process emotions, make informed decisions, and develop strategies for co-parenting or maintaining a civil relationship post-divorce.

Techniques used in marriage counseling

Counselors may use a variety of problem-solving techniques, coping strategies, and psychotherapy approaches to help couples improve their relationship. Common methods include:

• Emotional regulation skills
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• Gottman method interventions
• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) strategies
• Mindfulness and relaxation techniques
• Solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT) methods

Each of these techniques help couples gain insight into their relationship dynamic and develop new, healthier ways of interacting. Counselors tailor their approach to each couple’s unique needs and circumstances, often combining multiple techniques for the best results.

What to expect in marriage counseling

When starting marriage counseling, couples can expect a structured process that begins with an initial assessment. The counselor will gather information about the couple’s history, current challenges, and goals for therapy.

Marriage counseling follows the same form as other types of couples therapy, with sessions occurring weekly and lasting for about an hour.⁴ Within these sessions, both partners have the opportunity to express their concerns and perspectives in a safe, neutral environment.

The counselor may assign homework or exercises to practice between sessions. As therapy progresses, couples often gain new insights, develop improved communication skills, and work towards resolving conflicts more effectively.

The duration of marriage counseling depends on the couple’s needs and progress. Some couples see improvements in a few weeks, while others might benefit from longer-term therapy over months, or even longer. Throughout the process, the counselor will help couples set realistic expectations and work towards achievable goals.

Does marriage counseling work?

On average, people who go through marriage counseling or couples therapy have better results than 70% to 80% of those who don’t get treatment.⁵ This makes marriage counseling as effective, or even more effective, than the best treatments for individual mental health issues.

Regular relationship check-ins, whether done with a therapist or just between the couple, can also lead to long-term improvements in both the marriage and individual mental health.⁶

As far as specific psychotherapy techniques are concerned, CBT has demonstrated particularly promising results for couples by helping to reduce relationship distress.⁷ The Gottman Method has also shown effectiveness in improving how well spouses adapt to each other and their relationship over time, including intimacy.⁸

It’s important to note that marriage counseling requires commitment and effort from both partners. Success often depends on the couple’s willingness to engage in the process, practice new skills, and make necessary changes in their relationship.

Finding a marriage counselor

When searching for a marriage counselor, consider their credentials and experience. Unsurprisingly, counselors who are skilled, evidence-based therapists may provide the best outcomes.⁹

Consider factors such as their approach, availability, and compatibility with your needs. Many therapists offer initial consultations, allowing you to assess if they’re a good fit. Don’t hesitate to ask about their experience with issues similar to yours. Search our directory to find a licensed mental health professional near you.

How much does marriage counseling cost?

The cost of marriage counseling varies widely depending on factors like location, therapist experience, and session length. On average, couples can expect to pay between $100 to $200 per session.¹⁰ Group-based marriage or couples therapy can be a lower cost option, but it may be less effective.¹¹

Does insurance cover marriage counseling?

Marriage counseling and couples therapy often aren’t covered by insurance plans because they aren’t typically considered medically necessary treatments. However, some insurance providers may offer partial coverage. This is especially true if the therapy addresses a diagnosed mental health condition affecting one or both partners.

It’s best to check with your insurance company directly to understand your specific coverage options. If you don’t have insurance, there are other affordable options like sliding-scale therapy and employment assistance programs (EAPs) that may offer free or low-cost counseling sessions.

How to talk to your spouse about marriage counseling

Approaching the topic of marriage counseling with your spouse can be challenging. Here are some tips to help you bring up the topic in a constructive way:

• Choose a calm moment to discuss your concerns and express your desire to strengthen the relationship.
• Emphasize that seeking help is a sign of commitment and effort.
• Listen to your partner’s perspective and address any reservations they may have.
• Suggest researching counselors together and highlight the potential benefits of therapy.
• Be patient and understanding, as your spouse may need time to process the idea before agreeing to participate in counseling.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue counseling should be mutual. Both partners need to be willing participants for the process to be effective. If your spouse is hesitant, consider starting with individual therapy to work on your own growth and communication skills. This can demonstrate your commitment to change and may inspire your partner to join you in the future.

Visit our directory to find qualified mental health professionals in your area that specialize in marriage counseling and couples therapy.