Rejection therapy: A self-help practice for building confidence

Reviewed by Robert Bogenberger, PhD

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 10/27/2025

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Getting rejected stings. Whether it’s a pass on a potential date, a declined job application, or a friend who can’t hang out, rejection triggers real emotional pain.¹

For some people, the fear of hearing no becomes so strong that it stops them from taking risks or asking for what they want. Rejection sensitivity can deeply affect your daily life.

But what if there was a simple way to make rejection feel less scary? That’s where rejection therapy comes in—a practice that has helped thousands of people take more social risks that help them reach their goals.

What is rejection therapy?

Despite its name, rejection therapy is not a formal, clinical therapy approach or psychological treatment.

Instead, it’s a self-improvement technique that anyone can practice on their own. The concept was created by Canadian entrepreneur Jason Comely in 2010. He developed the original rejection therapy card game, designed to make rejection feel normal instead of scary.²

The idea is surprisingly simple: Instead of avoiding situations where you might be told no, you actively look for them. You start with tiny social challenges where you expect to be rejected, gradually building up your tolerance to discomfort.

The goal isn’t to collect rejections for fun. It’s to build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and stop letting fear control your life. When you realize that rejection doesn’t actually hurt as much as you thought it would—and that many people are kinder than you imagined—it becomes easier to take the risks that matter.

How does rejection therapy work?

The rejection therapy process follows a simple pattern:

1. You seek out social situations where you expect to be rejected
2. You experience the rejection (or are surprised by acceptance)
3. Your brain learns that risk and rejection aren’t as catastrophic as expected
4. As you get comfortable with small social risks, it becomes easier to increase the risk level

The science behind rejection therapy connects to how our brains process social experiences. When we face rejection, our brains update their internal models.³ Each experience teaches us something new about social situations and helps us adjust our expectations.

By repeatedly experiencing rejection in controlled or intentional ways, you become less sensitive to the emotional pain associated with rejection. This reduces avoidance behaviors and social anxiety. Think of it like building muscle—the more you practice handling small rejections, the stronger you become when facing bigger social risks.

With repetition, rejection becomes less threatening and more about learning and adjustment. Your brain literally rewires itself to see social situations as opportunities for growth rather than threats to avoid.

Is rejection therapy effective?

While there isn’t specific research on rejection therapy, the underlying principles are well supported. The practice resembles exposure therapy, which is the gold-standard treatment for social anxiety disorder.⁴

Exposure therapy works by gradually exposing people to feared situations in a safe, controlled way. Research shows this approach effectively reduces anxiety and avoidance behaviors.⁵

It’s important to note that if experiencing (or even thinking about it) rejection causes severe anxiety, panic, or other intense emotions, you should seek professional support from a therapist rather than trying to tackle it alone. A licensed professional can help you identify the best form of treatment based on your personal experiences and needs.

How to practice rejection therapy

One of the benefits of rejection therapy lies is how flexible it is. You can adapt the practice to fit your specific goals and comfort level. Here’s how to get started.

Start small and build up

You don’t need to take big swings or ask for the moon right away. Start with little asks that still have a risk of rejection and build to larger asks over time. Remember: Other people’s responses aren’t a reflection of your worth.

Beginner or low-level risk examples:

• Ask for a discount at a coffee shop
• Ask a stranger for the time when you can clearly see a clock nearby
• Ask to pet someone’s dog while they’re walking it

Intermediate or medium-level risk examples:

• Ask to cut in line at the grocery store
• Request a free dessert at a restaurant (on a day that’s not your birthday)
• Inquire about getting a tour of a local business
• Ask someone at the gym to teach you their workout routine

Advanced or higher-level risks:

• Ask for a job at a place where you’d love to work
• Ask a neighbor if you can borrow their car
• Propose a new idea or project at work
• Ask a local business owner to mentor you

Practice ethically and responsibly

Remember that rejection therapy should be practiced with respect for others. The goal is to practice handling rejection, not to make other people uncomfortable.

Keep these guidelines in mind:

• Avoid requests that could put others in uncomfortable positions
• Always be polite and respectful
• Accept “no” gracefully and thank the person for their time
• Don’t lie or manipulate to get what you want

Common mistakes to avoid

While rejection therapy is straightforward in concept, there are some common pitfalls that can make the practice less effective or even counterproductive.

Don’t start too big. Asking your boss for a huge raise on day one will likely backfire and could harm your professional relationships. Build up gradually, starting with silly or fun asks.

Don’t be rude or inappropriate. The goal is practice, not making others uncomfortable. Rejection therapy should never involve harassment, inappropriate requests, or disrespectful behavior.

Don’t take rejections personally. Most rejections have nothing to do with you as a person. People say no for countless reasons that have nothing to do with your worth or likability.

Don’t expect linear progress. Some days will feel harder than others. That’s normal and part of the process.

Rejection therapy isn’t about collecting “no’s” for sport—it’s about reclaiming your life from the fear of rejection. When you stop letting the possibility of hearing “no” control your decisions, you open yourself up to opportunities, connections, and experiences you might have missed otherwise.

Start small, be kind to yourself and others, and remember that every rejection is data, not a verdict on your worth. The goal isn’t to never feel the sting of rejection again, but to prove to yourself that you can handle it—and that it won’t stop you from pursuing what matters to you.

When to seek professional help

While rejection therapy can be helpful for many people, it’s not appropriate for everyone. Consider seeking support from a mental health professional if:

• Anxiety, fear, or distress worsens instead of improving with self-directed rejection therapy
• Rejection generally triggers intense sadness, shame, or hopelessness
• You experience panic, physical symptoms, or trauma-based reactions
• You feel stuck in avoidance or harsh, self-critical cycles
• Rejection taps into deep-seated wounds or past traumas
• You’re unsure how to structure exposures or they feel overwhelming
• You have thoughts of self-harm or struggle to function day-to-day

A therapist trained in exposure therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you work through any of these challenges in a safe, supportive environment. They can also help you understand whether rejection sensitivity might be connected to other mental health conditions that would benefit from professional treatment.

Visit our directory to find qualified mental health professionals in your area who can provide personalized support for social anxiety and rejection sensitivity.