First impressions: How they shape our lives

Reviewed by Brooks Baer, LCPC, CMHP

Written by

therapist.com team

Last updated: 05/23/2025

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Have you ever met someone and immediately formed an opinion about them? Or worried about the impression you’re making on others? You may have had a reason to be cautious.

While judgments often happen in a snap, they can sometimes have a lasting impact on our relationships.

What exactly are first impressions?

First impressions are the instant opinions we form about people when we first meet them. They form incredibly fast—within just 100 milliseconds (or one-tenth of a second) of seeing someone’s face.¹ This means they’re formed faster than a literal snap of the fingers.

These quick judgments can influence major decisions in our lives. Research shows that first impressions affect financial choices, criminal sentencing decisions, and even who wins elections.² They can also impact the outcome of high-stakes events like job interviews.³

When we meet someone new, we may judge their character based on unrelated physical features. Research shows that our judgements of a person’s face and body contribute to our overall impression of their personality traits. ⁴ Two qualities we tend to judge often are trustworthiness (or warmth) and dominance (or power).⁵

Interestingly, first impressions can differ across cultures, showing that our background and experiences shape how we perceive others.⁶

The problem with first impressions

While first impressions happen naturally, they can sometimes come with serious problems. The biggest one is accuracy.⁷ First impressions often have little connection to reality, despite strongly influencing our behavior.

First impressions can be especially harmful for people with invisible disabilities and illnesses or conditions like autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). People with sensory processing difficulties may appear uncomfortable or distracted in social situations, leading others to form negative impressions of them.⁸

For example, a person with ASD might avoid eye contact during a job interview—a behavior that interviewers could misinterpret as disinterest. This misunderstanding could lead to increased anxiety, and ultimately a missed opportunity, for the interviewee.

Snap judgments can be particularly damaging in health care settings. If doctors form quick, incorrect impressions of patients, it can lead to loss of patient autonomy or other negative experiences.⁹ Patients may not receive the care they need because their symptoms are misinterpreted through the lens of this impression.

For people with social anxiety disorder, knowing that others form opinions quickly can intensify anxiety.¹⁰ This may lead them to avoid social situations altogether out of fear of judgement.

If concerns about first impressions are affecting your mental health or relationships, finding the right therapist can help you develop strategies to manage these challenges.

First impressions in dating

When it comes to dating, first impressions can influence whether a relationship even gets started. Research points to three main factors that influence romantic first impressions:¹¹

1. Partner effects: How generally appealing someone is to most people
2. Actor effects: Your personal tendency to feel attracted to people in general
3. Relationship effects: The unique chemistry between you and another person

People tend to pursue relationships most strongly when they uniquely like someone (relationship effects) and when that person is generally seen as desirable by others (partner effects). That initial spark of attraction or compatibility you feel with someone new can predict whether you’ll pursue a relationship later.

On dating apps, people often make split-second decisions based on profile photos. Studies show that this rapid-judgment environment can increase anxiety about appearance and lower self-esteem.¹² This may be especially true for those who experience rejection often.

First impressions in therapy

The therapy relationship isn’t immune to the power of first impressions. Research in this area focused on how the first impressions patients formed of therapists impacted their therapy journey.¹³ It turns out that your first meeting with a therapist can be crucial.

The impression a client forms during an initial assessment influences whether they will continue therapy or drop out. If a client leaves the first appointment feeling hopeful, it predicts whether they’ll return for treatment.

Can you overcome a bad first impression?

The good news is that first impressions aren’t set in stone. Recent research suggests that first impressions only inform a person’s preferences in the short-term.¹⁴ This means that even if you start off on the wrong foot with someone, the relationship could improve over time.

Another study found that we can change our first impressions if we get new information that strongly contradicts them.¹⁵ Basically, if we’re given a good enough reason to think our first judgment was wrong, we’ll likely be able to see things differently with time.

Memory research also shows that our first impressions can change over time.¹⁶ As we continue to learn new things about a person, our brain updates what we think of them. Each meeting can shift our perspective.

Working with a therapist can help you manage social anxiety, build confidence in social situations, or develop strategies for moving beyond first impressions.

Strategies for healthier first impressions

Understanding how others see you—called “meta-accuracy“—is important for successful social interactions.¹⁷ Meta-accuracy refers to how well you understand the way others actually see you, not just how you think they see you. This can provide you with valuable insight into your social interactions and how others may form impressions of you.

Research suggests that first impressions develop through learning associations between certain facial features and personality traits—a process called “trait inference mapping.”¹⁸ The trait mapping theory proposes that we can change these mental shortcuts through new experiences and learning. Since these associations are learned rather than innate, they can be modified.

Building on this understanding, the research also shows that training procedures can successfully modify how people form impressions. This means we can learn to be more thoughtful about our initial judgments of others and challenge our automatic associations.

You might practice this by deliberately exposing yourself to counter examples that break stereotypical associations, or by engaging in perspective-taking exercises that help you see beyond automatic assumptions.

Context matters too—one study found that how we interpret a person’s face changes when we see their whole body.¹⁹ Faces viewed in the context of the whole person often received different trait ratings than when viewed alone.

You can apply this insight by deliberately trying to take in the “whole person”—including body language, voice tone, and context—rather than fixating on one piece. This more holistic approach leads to more nuanced and accurate impressions.

Making the most of first impressions

While first impressions happen quickly and automatically, you can take steps to manage their impact:

1. Be aware of snap judgments. Recognize when you’re making quick assumptions about others. It may help to journal or discuss complicated relationships with others.
2. Give second chances. Remember that first impressions are often wrong. Be open to information that goes against your first intuition.
3. Look beyond the surface and consider the bigger picture that may explain why people made certain choices.
4. Prepare for important first meetings like job interviews, therapy sessions, or dates so you arrive on time and with less stress and an open mindset.
5. Focus on being authentic rather than trying to control others’ impressions of you. Remember that in the end, you can’t control what others think of you.

If you find yourself struggling with social anxiety or concerns about first impressions, remember that you’re not alone. Connecting with a therapist can help you navigate social situations and develop healthier approaches to first impressions.