Bruce Gottlieb, Ph.D.

I am a highly experienced psychologist who works with individuals 18 years and older, and couples. I work with people who don't want to simply cope with
problematic situations but with people who want to get to the root of the problem so that they get a true resolution of the causes of their suffering.

I recently moved to the DC area after 43 years working with individuals and couples in Connecticut doing in-depth psychotherapy. (We are off to a good start if you just asked yourself what the hell is in-depth psychotherapy). When people talk about in-depth psychotherapy they often compare it to peeling away the layers of an onion where each layer is a deeper part of the person. I think it's much more useful to think of the center of that onion not as a soft core but rather as a hard pit. I say that because the deeper we explore our suffering the closer we get to where our pain resides, and that is where significant change takes place.

When we've gone through painful experiences we find ways to minimize that pain by behaving and thinking in ways to protect ourselves from it. These are ways of coping but the pains stay with us, and worse yet, they conflict with, and attenuate, deeper feelings of agency, curiosity, spontaneity, and connection with others. We feel lost or empty, sad or anxious. It can even give rise to a wide range of physical problems. However difficult, we need to find a crack in that pit and pry it open, accessing our feelings, and ourselves.

When we try to avoid painful memories we ultimately diminish all our feelings and so, we don’t live our lives fully. To change ourselves and not just cover up our feelings we need to deal with them directly. This takes courage, but it also helps to have a caring, empathic therapist who provides a safe, supportive, nonjudgmental environment. Ultimately we’re left feeling freer and more engaged with ourselves, the world around us, and the people who matter to us.

I think it would be helpful to have an actual account of the process, through an article I wrote for a newspaper (yet to be published):

In the intricate dance of psychotherapy, Joan's simple sketch captured the essence of our journey together. She pictured herself anxiously dangling from a precarious cliff, clutching onto a tree branch, and me, seated securely above, urging her to let go. It encapsulated the daunting task of embracing change. Joan's resistance, like many patients', stemmed from the fear of confronting deep-seated emotions, a journey that demands courage and vulnerability.

To effect genuine transformation, patients must confront the core of their struggles. Joan initially sought solace in denial, attempting to paint over her distress with the veneer of normalcy. Yet, burying our emotions only leads to a fragmented existence, detached from our true selves. The discomfort we feel in this disconnection can manifest as anxiety, depression, or a pervasive sense of alienation.

In Joan's case, her annual anxiety about the school year masked unresolved trauma from her childhood—a story she had long suppressed. Raised in an environment of abuse, Joan struggled to acknowledge her poor sense of self, anger and loneliness, clinging instead to a facade of familial harmony. But as therapy unfolded, she confronted the painful truth: her parents' shortcomings and her own role in perpetuating a harmful narrative. Only by relinquishing these protective layers could she embark on a journey toward wholeness.

Therapeutic breakthroughs hinge on empathy and emotional attunement. As Joan's therapist, I immersed myself in her world, embracing her joys and sorrows as my own. Through this shared experience, I endeavored to mirror her reality, offering a safe space for exploration and growth. Together, we navigated the labyrinth of her psyche, unraveling the threads of her past to illuminate the path forward.

Understanding Joan's lived experience was pivotal in fostering genuine connection and facilitating her healing journey. By validating her emotions and empowering her to reclaim her narrative, therapy became a catalyst for profound change. Through this process of self-discovery, Joan emerged with a newfound clarity and authenticity, grounded in her truth and guided by her inner compass.

As therapists, our role extends beyond mere guidance; we serve as catalysts for transformation, bearing witness to the unfolding narratives of our patients' lives. When patients embrace their vulnerability and embrace their truth, they embark on a journey of self-discovery that transcends the confines of the therapy room. It is in this sacred space of authenticity that true healing begins, paving the way for a life defined by purpose, integrity, and self-awareness.

In the evolving landscape of psychotherapy, the journey from despair to empowerment is marked by moments of profound revelation and unwavering resilience. As patients confront their metaphorical cliffs, therapists stand ready to journey alongside them, illuminating the path to self-discovery and emotional liberation. In the end, it is not about teaching patients how to be, but rather empowering them to embrace who they are—flaws, fears, and all.