Shirley Valk, LMSW, ACSW

Picture
Untangled is a counseling service created to help individuals and couples untangle the ineffective and unhealthy patterns developed in their lives and relationships.

You may find yourself tangled in a web taking care of everyone's needs but your own, unhappy with your life but not sure what you want, being lonely even when you are with others, feeling your life is out of control, trying to be perfect but finding it impossible to be, needing affirmation from others to feel good about oneself, saying yes when you want to say no, being blamed and taking the blame for others responsibilities, or being a people-pleaser. Untangled Counseling staff training and experience enable them to effectively help people untangle these and other webs woven in life.

The marriage you dreamed would be perfect and ideal has turned into unresolved conflict, lack of appreciation, minimal if anytime with your spouse, meddling parents, different parenting philosophies, poor communication, or an unfaithful spouse. These as well as other marital concerns are issues that Untangled Counseling staff is experienced in helping couples untangle in their relationships.

Shirley Valk, LMSW, ACSW received her bachelor degree in Organizational Leadership from Cornerstone University, Grand Rapids, Michigan and her Masters of Social Work from Grand Valley State University, Allendale, Michigan.

Shirley is a licensed clinical social worker with a variety of experiences helping people through difficulties of life. Her professional training, own life experiences, and God-given passions have prepared her with the heart and expertise to effectively assist people through the journey of changes that will enable them to live their lives more fully with greater meaning. Shirley is a skillful counselor providing services to adult individuals and couples for a variety of concerns: relationship difficulty, self-esteem, sexual betrayal, marriage distress, marital infidelity, divorce recovery, blended family, abuse, grief, anxiety, and depression.

Her particular interest is working with individuals and couples experiencing some form of infidelity in their marriage. She also brings ingenuity in helping women who have been in a significant romantic relationship with a homosexual man. Shirley leads therapy groups with women whose husband had an affair or involvement with pornography. As an experienced motivational speaker, her message offers hope and a future from a biblical perspective.

My Story
My life was a tangled chaotic mess for years. I lived in a 22 year marriage with a man who was continually involved in sexual relationships with numerous others. I was married for a lifetime, which left me believing I was trapped. When I would confront him with my suspicions of his infidelity, I had no proof other than twice, he would convince me I was crazy for thinking such terrible things. He would not admit unless he was caught “red-handed”.

My self-esteem was very low. I found I trusted him more than myself, resulting in me feeling anxious most of the time. I believed I had to be the one to hold our marriage and our family together. I thought I was responsible for the happiness of each person in my life. I worked hard to be “nice” but inside I was dying and angry at everyone and everything. I couldn’t let myself feel because I would crumble under the weight of how bad I felt. My life seemed out of control, so I was hyper-vigilant to make sure everything was taken care of in our home, in my life, and in the lives of others. I gave up my happiness for his happiness. I continued to stay in an unhealthy, hurtful relationship because I believed I needed him to be fulfilled.

Then I met a counselor that taught me how to see myself in a more positive light. I began to learn about Shirley and who I am, like myself, find out what I wanted and needed in life, trust my intuitions, take care of myself, let go of perfectionism, ultimately become emotionally healthy. I learned tools to get to a different, positive place in my life.

Eventually, I realized there are many women and men who are in similar tangled places in life. At 55 I went to graduate school to prepare myself to become a professional counselor. I now share with others how to “Untangle” their lives and be empowered to move in a positive direction.