Erinn Hoel, LCSW, CAADC, MEd

Hi! I'm Erinn, a Philadelphia sex therapist passionate about helping you decrease sexual stress and increase desire.

You’re overwhelmed and stressed about sex and are stuck in a lose-lose situation where you’re stressed if you try to have sex, and feel guilty if you try to avoid it. But it’s not for lack of effort because you’ve been trying, you’re just not getting the results you want. You want to know how to get out of this cycle and why your sex life feels so off track. But it hasn’t always been like this so what changed? You’re looking for a reason for these feelings but feel embarrassed, ashamed, and alone, which makes it really hard to talk about.

You’re so good at so many things but feel so bad at this. You feel obligated to have sex because you feel bad saying no but honestly feel like you’d be fine never having sex. But even that makes you feel bad because shouldn’t you want to have sex with the person you love? And you want to talk with them about it because they can tell you’re avoiding sex, but how do you tell them you don’t want to have sex right now? And it’s not that you don’t want to have sex with them, it’s that you want to WANT to have sex. And how do you explain that, because it doesn’t even really make sense to you. You worry about hurting their feelings and feeling even more disconnected.

All of this is infuriating because you’ve worked really hard to be the best version of yourself, and you’ve accomplished a lot. But you can’t stop thinking about the expectations of what sex “should” be and how you’re falling short. You’re starting to question if it’s even possible to change things, which stresses you out more because what does that mean about you and your relationship?

I help those who are frustrated and confused about low desire manage the stress of this, learn exactly how the system works, and remove obstacles getting in the way of connection. My clients get to know their sexual sides better and learn why focusing only on the sex, or avoiding this, hasn’t gotten them the connection they want. I use a systematic approach to help keep clients on track so they can build a solid foundation as they work to increase desire. We’ve all learned unhelpful info about sex and relationships and together we’ll explore the pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations and how to set more realistic, attainable goals.

I joke, swear, and ask a lot of questions and encourage my clients to do the same because it’s important we be ourselves and have some fun along the way. Focusing only on problems is draining so we’ll also draw on your strengths and celebrate wins. Because trust me, they’re there and the more you look for them, the more you’ll see them. Therapy doesn’t have to be scary or overwhelming. It can be a place to truly let your guard down and get to know yourself better.

If you want to start looking forward to sex and connecting with your partner in new ways, you’re in the right place. Contact me for a 15-min phone call to learn more about how this work, with the right therapist, can help your desire thrive and reignite your passion.